As mothers, we are often praised and recognised for our selflessness, our ability to put our children first and cater to their every need. And while being a mother is one of the most rewarding and fulfilling roles in life, it can also be all-consuming.
In the midst of constantly giving and caretaking for our loved ones, it's easy for us to lose sight of our own needs and desires.
The question then arises, how do we maintain our sense of self while selflessly giving and caretaking for others?
As a mother of 3 with ages ranging from almost 6 to 4 months, this question has been on my mind a lot lately.
I sometimes find myself feeling overwhelmed and exhausted, wondering if I've lost touch with who I am outside of being a mum - I went to a yoga class recently, it was throughout the easter holidays and my 2 eldest kids went to their guns for a sleepover leaving the baby with my partner.......yoga classes used to be a regular occurring thing on my weekly schedule. I find a real comfort in the familiarity of a yoga studio, mats, props, scents, cues, and of course the movement itself. It was like the class broke away a layer of myself that was tough, resilient and strong, the get sh*t done layer, the do it all mum layer and it opened up to the softer layer. My emotional body recognised my love for yoga, the travels my teaching has taken me on and the personal journey of it all, it felt so emotional as I connected with the past version of me, the before kids version who would travel across London for an hour on a Sunday morning for a 90 minute practice with her favourite teacher!
Through introspection like this and conversations with other mothers, I've come to realise that it is possible to maintain our sense of self while fulfilling our role as mothers, it takes work though, but I do believe the work is worth it!
So, I'd like to share my newfound insights with you....
Acknowledge that being a mother does not mean sacrificing our entire identity. We are still individuals with our own thoughts, feelings, and goals. It's crucial to make a conscious effort to carve out time for ourselves, whether it's through pursuing a hobby, engaging in self-care practices, or simply having some alone time. This may require delegating or asking for help from our partners, family, or friends, but it's essential for our mental and emotional well-being.
We must let go of the guilt that often comes with taking time for ourselves. Society has ingrained in us the belief that us mums must always put their children first, but the truth is, we cannot pour from an empty cup. Taking care of ourselves allows us to be more present and patient with our children, leading to a healthier and happier household. So, let go of the guilt and prioritise your own version of self-care as an integral part of motherhood.
Another crucial aspect of maintaining our sense of self is to continue pursuing our passions and dreams. Just because we have become mothers does not mean we have to give up on our goals. In fact, our children can be a source of inspiration and motivation for us to chase our goals. I have certainly felt this recently, realising that my goals shape their lives. A lot has changed for me this year and I am all in on a few big goals which is very exciting! Whether it's going back to school, starting a business, or simply trying out a new hobby, let's not let motherhood hinder our personal growth and development. Yes, we may have less time on our hands but one thing I know for sure is that we can get stuff done when we focus, priorities and reduce distractions. Use nap time wisely - I often hear the advice of never do things during nap time that you can do together. Nap times for me are either working, napping myself, working out (unless out a walk!)
It's essential to surround ourselves with a supportive community of mothers. As the saying goes, "It takes a village to raise a child," and it's true. Having a network of other mothers to share our experiences, struggles, and victories with can be incredibly uplifting and comforting. We can learn from one another and find solace in knowing that we are not alone in this journey. If you are unsure where to start with this one (and you are based in/near Glasgow) then come along to one of my Glasgow Green Mumma Meet Up's
Lastly, we must remember to be kind to ourselves. Motherhood can be challenging, and we are bound to make mistakes and face setbacks. But it's crucial to practice self-compassion and not be too hard on ourselves. We are doing the best we can, and that is enough.
It really is one big balancing act. It requires us to prioritise ourselves, let go of societal expectations, continue pursuing our passions, build a supportive community, and practice self-compassion. By doing so, we not only take care of ourselves but also become better mothers for our children. So, let's embrace the beautiful chaos of motherhood while also nurturing our own sense of self. Remember. you are not along on this wild ride, if you are seeking community then reach out and join a meet up or retreat.